April 21, 2016

NEW research suggests that the dinosaurs were already dying out by the time an asteroid crashed into Earth putting an end to them.

Here’s the full story: The time was around 200 million years ago and the dinosaurs were getting anxious.

It was the late Triassic period and the single land mass known as Pangaea was beginning to break up due to motion from the tectonic plates.

The leading dinosaur, a diplodocus known to all as Doc summoned a meeting to discuss what to do about it. “This is a once in a hundred-million years opportunity,” Doc said.

“But first of all we must decide what to do about the tectonic plates. Do we want to let them tear our beloved Pangaea to pieces or should we do something to stop it?”

A tyrannosaurus named Rex was first to reply. “I say we should leave Pangaea,” he said.

“The single continent model has not been good to dinosaurs. Other species and lifeforms have been free to wander across our borders taking up space that is rightly ours.

“We’ve completely lost control. If we float off into the sea, we’ll be able to control our own borders better.”

“That’s all very well,” said another tyrannosaurus also named Rex, “but you’re not taking into account the fact that we can eat those that come over. Our diet will be ruined if we cut off our access to other species. It may be all right for vegetarians like Doc, but we carnivores will starve.”

“We can learn to swim,” said Rex 1. “Granted, we’ll need a bit of a transition period, but once we’ve got the hang of it, we can pop over to the main Pangaea land mass, have dinner, then swim back. Or we could fly over on a pterodactyl.” “It’ll cost you,” said a pterodactyl.

“And we’ll charge more for luggage and more for the return flight because you’ll be heavier after dinner.” “The costs to our economy will be huge,” said Doc.

“We’ve been a part of Pangaea for tens of millions of years. It’s risking too much to leave.” “What can we do about it anyway?” a plant-eating apatosaurus asked. “These multinational tectonic plates are a law unto themselves. They just do whatever they like and don’t even pay tax on it.”

“My idea,” said Doc, “is to set up a rapid response tyrannosaurus task force to stop Pangaea breaking up. As soon as cracks appear, a crack team of tyrannosauruses will link arms across the fissure and pull hard to keep the two sides together. I call for a referendum to approve this idea.”

The campaign was fiercely fought with most carnivores wanting to hold Pangaea together, vegetarians wanting out and the omnivores omni-undecided about the whole thing.

Sadly the referendum result is not known but Pangaea did split up and the dinosaurs were all wiped out by an asteroid a few million years later. One thing is for sure though: if any dinosaurs had survived they would have blamed Doc for everything.